What a fucking waste of an outfit
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
