Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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