fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Randomize
