Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
