It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
