so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
