Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
