Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
