There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
