I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
