Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
