the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
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