So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.