i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book