Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
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after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
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You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
You were trust falling into bushes