I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
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I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
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I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.