next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.