Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
soo... how was my night?
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