I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
These 21 Drunks Said The Darndest Things
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
These 25 Irresponsible People Blew All Their Cash On Drugs, Booze, & Sex
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
At least life still wants to fuck me.