when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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