oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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