pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Sober January is a disaster.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Randomize
