I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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