it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Randomize
