If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
