yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
