So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Boobs speak an international language.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
