Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
