I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
