SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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