Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
