I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
You brought string cheese to the strip club
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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