I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
