i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
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