she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Randomize
