in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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