I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
