you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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