i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
