My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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