If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
