I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I came so hard my ears popped.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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