I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
