I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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