the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
