hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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