A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
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