Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
