dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
