Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
We're too hungover to prance.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?