well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
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i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
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This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
be right there i have to get my cape
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...