Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
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