he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.