yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
