Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
