i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
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