So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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