There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
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I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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