I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
