I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
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