does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Randomize
