I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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