How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
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WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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