We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
