Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
