Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
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