i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Randomize
