Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
