i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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