He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Randomize
