dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
