omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
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