the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
