Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
