Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
