I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I understand Curling. That high.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
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