Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
