pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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