I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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