i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
