Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
there is puke in my bra ... again
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
