the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
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