i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
she pinky promised me she was 18
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
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