honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Randomize
